


Blank

by CastielsCarma



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, DestielFFPrompt (Supernatural), M/M, Season/Series 15 Speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:41:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27011407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CastielsCarma/pseuds/CastielsCarma
Summary: Dean tries to handle the enormity of losing Cas.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	Blank

**Author's Note:**

> Season 15 spec in ficlet format.
> 
> Enjoy.

Blank. That's the word Dean uses because he can't take that _other_ word in his mouth.

He sinks down on the floor. It's been thirty-three hours and twenty-four minutes and they still have jack-shit. He swallows against the acid taste of despair that threatens to well up inside him.

"Cas." The sound is like a song from a wounded animal. Cas has always loved him.

_Had._

_Always._

_Loved._

_Him._

Dean pounds his fist into the floor until it throbs with pain and is slick with blood. He revels in the pain. It's nothing against the roaring ache in his chest but it gives him a few seconds of reprieve.

_Cas, me too. Me too. I love you._

The door opens and Sam is there.

Dean knows because this is the fourth time he's checked in on him that day.

"Dean... we have some left-over pizza -"

The fucking tears just come and Sam sucks in a breath. Dean doesn't even care anymore. He tries to hone his anger instead or his desperation will feel overwhelming - and what a joke that is because he doesn't even know what to _do_ in his desperation. But all Dean feels is deep sorrow and tiredness. He's so damn tired of everything.

Sam kneels down next to Dean. "Dean, listen. We're gonna find Cas and we're gonna save him."

Dean rubs away his tears, biting back a reply. He wants to be bitter, pissed but he's starting to think that the Em- that the fucking primordial black piece of shit took away his anger too.

"It took him, the Blank took him. Why didn't he tell me, Sam? We could have saved him, dammit!" He looks away, stares at his bloody knuckle instead. "I could have saved him, I should have saved him - he saved _me_ and I just stood there as that Blank asshole"... Dean snaps his mouth shut.

"He loved me, Sammy. I love him, and he loved me and he's gone."

Sam speaks softly as he puts a hand on Dean's shoulder. "We'll find a way to save him, Dean. That's what we do."

Dean stays silent.

"Can Jack... heal your hand at least?"

Dean stays silent.

He can hear Sam sigh. "I'll... I'll come back later."

Dean lets out a sob as the door closes.


End file.
